My friend Philly told Kristine that he told me that she has a boyfriend. Yes, I realize that sentence makes me sound like I wear headgear. Yes, I am 29. I have ID, too.  

Her response (drum roll please …)

“Oh my … does he totally hate me? Well, Joey and I are not “together.” Actually, he came over last night and honestly, I just do not think it is there anymore. I told him. I really think the last time we broke up, it did me in. So, if it is worth anything, you can tell Keith that we really were not “together.” We were taking time off, trying to make things work. I just feel bad because I told Keith that I cheated once and will never cheat again … well, I (more…)

Those of you with eyes will notice I’ve added a SportsGoons link to the top of the site. At the risk of having you believe it’s just some friend’s band I want you to check out (”Dude, SportsGoons is totally fucking sweet! They opened for the Supersonic Blasphemers at the Hickory County Fair last June!), let me explain.

SportsGoons is a sports satire website a friend and me started in 2003. We liked reading The Onion, but we wanted to see more sports-oriented content. We waited, and waited, eventually growing frustrated enough to start our own site geared toward making fun of sports. (more…)

1 torrid, ill-fated love affair (see below)
1 hike up Camelback Mountain with Clementine the pup and weekend fling
0 nights slept in my own bed
0 nights asleep by 2 a.m.
0 nights I fell asleep without weekend fling on my shoulder 
1 time she said “You drive me crazy”
1 time I went to church
1 time I met my pastor for Chinese food
4 bars
5 hours studying
(more…)

Wow, I mean, wow. Gather around boys and girls, I have a story to tell. Get comfortable, too. This is going to take awhile. It’s a doozy.

I met my friends Philly, Billy and Mouse (sounds like a law firm from some animated movie, I know) out Thursday at a popular bar in Phoenix. Philly had his female friend Kristine from Chicago of 10 years who he went to college with back in Philadelphia in tow. She’s 30, looks about 24. I knew she was going to be out, but that wasn’t my motivation for getting out on a night where I would otherwise be studying. I had intended to meet up with a girl I met at that same place two weeks earlier. That never happened. Here’s why.

(more…)

I loved Funquita’s post today. In it, she wrote about her relationship with her fiance, saying:

“We had our set of struggles in getting this relationship started and 2005 was a year for learning, understanding, pushing and pulling - we somehow managed to get ourselves together and declare our desire to be with each other for the rest of our lives.”

In writing about couples beating odds and overcoming pain to emerge closer in my post “Soulmates Versus Loving the One You’re With,” I said: (more…)

I need this proofed. Read it. You may even find parts of it interesting. I didn’t mention that I was appyling to law school? Oh. Well, I am. It’s a choice I’ll probably discuss in a separate post. But not right now. Right now, I just need all you fine folks to tell me if you spot any typos.

I’m not entering law through its front doors. I never had a lifelong passion to be an attorney. Growing up, I knew I wanted to effect change in the world, but I never considered the courts. As a youth, I was fascinated with juxtaposing words to create sentences that had never before existed so I became a writer. In college, people kept emergency kits in their glove compartments in case their vehicle submitted to a Minnesota winter. I kept Whitman.
  
(more…)

It would be easy to blame my parents for my neuroses (which is why I frequently do when I’m not becoming a better person by writing this book), but the whole “I’m just not happy, so I’m going to go to a therapist to find out how my parents messed up raising me and then call them crying on a Tuesday at 2:30 a.m.” approach seems futile. So they messed up. I got that.

But to truly make sense of it all, I’d have to examine how their parents (my grandparents) messed up. And then I’d have to examine how their parents’ parents (my great grandparents) messed up. And this would eventually take me all the way back to Adam and Eve. So really, I blame Eve for all this. If she wouldn’t have first eaten that cantaloupe from the Sweet Tree of Justice, or whatever it was called, I wouldn’t be moody. And my dog would come when I called him. And that prick in (more…)

I stumbled upon a blog entry recently written by some woman in Chicago today titled Dating Rules, in which she outlines the five most important rules to follow when dating. In short, they are:

1) Get a Life
2) Don’t Play All Your Cards
3) Resist the Urge to Be Charming
4) Date More Than One Person
5) Be Picky

(more…)

This comment made by FilanMonet in response to this paragraph below that I typed describing my book got me thinking:

“It’s a book about growing up in a divorced home, being raised by a obsessive-compulsive depressive mother, and how all this led to being who I am. Hint: withdrawn, independent and afraid of bonding, although we’re changing that. I imagine the latter part of the book will focus on how I’m trying to shed the indifference and bitterness I developed as a kid. It’s about realizing what got me to where I don’t want to be, and how I can get somewhere else. It sounds horribly depressing but it’s part humor too.”

(more…)

1 date at Starbucks with a yoga instructor
0 runs
1 rescue dog walked
16 times I resisted the urge to take home said rescue dog
2 times I thought of calling J and recommending that she take in the dog
4 times I thought of J
6 months I wish I could fast-forward to so J and I could spend time together without being surrounded by confusion and hurt; I miss her in my life - it’s like I have one less color in it
1 time I went commando to chuch (don’t ask) (more…)