Girl at bar: “Hey, how are you? What are you doing here?”

Me: “Do I know you?”

Girl at bar: “Yeah, it’s me Jen. From church? It’s Keith, right?”

Me: Oh, right! I’m sorry. And you remembered my name. I didn’t even recognize you. I feel horrible.”

Girl at bar: “Don’t. No big deal.”

Me: “So who are you here with?”

Girl at bar: “Some friends. And my boyfriend.”

Me: “I didn’t know you had one. I don’t rememeber seeing him at church.”

Girl at bar: “He doesn’t go.”

Me: “Why not?”

Girl at bar: “He doesn’t believe in God.”

Me: “That’s a pretty good reason not to go to church.”

Girl at bar: “He seems to think so.”

Roommate: “So you take supplements, too?”

Me: “Yeah, I take four pillls in the morning, and then one at night.”

Roommate: “What do you take?”

Me: “Well, let’s see, I take fish oil.”

Roommate: “And what is that supposed to do?”

Me: “They say it helps with memory.”

Roommate: “Hmm. And what else?”

Me: “I take B2 and magnesium for my migraines. And there’s one other.”

Roommate: “What’s that?

Me: “I’m not sure. I don’t remember.”

Me: “Well, now what? The bar is closed.”

Girl I met on St. Patrick’s Day (GIMOSPD): “I’m not sure.”

Me: “You’re more than welcome to come over. I’m saying that not because I want to mess around. I just don’t want this night to be over. I had fun with you.”

GIMOSPD: “I had fun too.”

Me: “I mean, I’d love for you to stay over, but I’m not going to ask you because I don’t want you to get the wrong impression.” (more…)

Random guy: “I don’t understand women. I just don’t. I try, but I don’t.”

Me: “Don’t bother.”

Random guy: “Do you?”

Me: Yes. Well, I think so. I mean, sometimes. Once in awhile. Actually, no.”

Random guy: “I wish I did.”

Me: “Don’t waste your time.”

Random guy: ”No?”

Me: “No.” 

Random guy: “Alright then.”

Me: “Good talk.”

Random guy: “Good talk.”

Shrek and his friend BMac, who head back to Sioux Falls today, found out that a buddy was also in the Phoenix area visiting so we all got together last night. Ground-breaking commentary and analysis ensued.  

Shrek and Bmac’s friend from back home (SBFFBH): So I’ve got a deep question for you guys.” 

BMac: “Go ahead.”

Me: “Let’s hear it.” (more…)

Me: “What happened with you and your girl?”

My brother: “I don’t know. She was so cool when we met. Then we moved down here and she turned into a chick.”

Me: “They always do.”