1 Friday night getaway with the Horse Whisperer (THW)to Tucson to see my brother LJ
2 hours it took to get there
14 times I cursed traffic, because you know, the more f bombs you drop, the faster the cars go
1 cookout
1 hot dog
1 hamburger
2 cherry vodka cranberries
2 guys that brought guitars
1 time I gave my best “Scott Stapp” impersonation
1 time I gave my best “Eddie Vedder” impersonation
I night I slept at the Horse Whisperer’s apartment
2 subs at Jimmy John’s, who make the world’s fucking most awesome subs (more…)

1 time the old man next door walked outside to take out the trash wearing jeans, no shirt and suspenders
4 times I thought “I can’t wait until I’m old enough to dress like that and have it be acceptable”)
1 dinner with the Horse Whisperer and her parents at Pizza Picasso in Scottsdale
1 tab her father refused to allow me to pick up
1 guinea pig the Horse Whisperer bought
2 times one of her parents’ three dogs pawed me in the balls
1 movie watched at her parents house – “The Nightmare Before Christmas (I think I need to watch it again to give a well-informed comment; fans of the movie should know it is playing in theaters in 3D)
2 cherry vodka cranberry juices
14 games of “Swords and Sandals”
4 hours of painting
2 trips to Home Depot
0 trips to Bed, Bath and Beyond
1 nice little Saturday (more…)

1 weekend sans the Horse Whisperer, who was in Louisville
1 loss at Nationals
1 time I wore a suit
1 night I stayed in
150 pages read of new book The Last Juror
4 hours of house cleaning Saturday
35 minutes it took before the house was full of dog hair again, or am I losing mine?
1 hike with my pastor
2.4 miles we trekked
3 episodes of Nip/Tuck Season 3
10 times I asked myself what the next show I’m going to have to get into after getting caught up with Nip/Tuck (I’m taking suggestions – I’m now caught up on Lost and Entourage)
85 degrees it is here today (more…)

1 night out with Horse Whisperer, Horse Whisperer’s friend, Horse Whisperer’s friend’s boyfriend and roommate
2 cherry vodka cranberries
3 vodka Red Bulls
3 a.m. we crawled into bed
1 hour of yard work
2 trash cans full of cactus trimmings
8 episodes of “Lost – Season 2”
100 percent relieved that Ana-Lucia got knocked off
1 bike seat I returned
1 power cable for my laptop that fried
1 power cable that Comp USA ordered that was the wrong one (more…)

1 trip to Las Vegas with the Horse Whisperer, Philly and Philly’s fiancé
4 times I’ve been there now
5 hours it took to drive there
80 dollars we spent in gas
500 dollars we would have spent on plane tickets
120 dollars we spent on a room for nights
1 club we went to Friday night (Voodoo Lounge)
1 time Philly told his fiancé she danced like Napoleon Dynamite
16 bachelorette parties I saw
26 dollars the first round (two drinks) cost, which makes Scottsdale look like Walmart when it comes to drinking
1 text from my pastor asking if I was coming to church
1 text I sent him saying I was in Vegas
1 text he sent saying “Bet on red.” (more…)

3 days the Horse Whisperer was in Austin
1 day my brother LJ stayed at my house after riding his new Harley from Tucson
1 time I visited the local Harley Davidson dealership
2 times a girl wearing a wife beater, jeans that looked like they were painted on, pigtails and a bandana checked me out
6 episodes of Lost Season 2 watched
1 night I stayed in
2 hours cutting a neighbor’s tree that reaches into my yard
1 flesh wound
1 walk with my dogs
3 days the German Shepherds I found stayed at J’s house
50 flyers I put up Friday (more…)

15 minutes spent trimming palm tree
1 hour spent trimming cactus
4 cuts
2 needles stuck under my skin
1 night out with Minnesota Jason, Philly, Philly’s fiancé, Minnesota Johnny and the Horse Whisperer
1 time Minnesota Jason said “This is the fucking coolest girl in the world”
1 Jager bomb
1 girl that said “You don’t have to talk to me just because you feel bad for me”
1,000,000 dollars that the Hose Whisperer looked like
1 guy that approached her and holding a book, hit on her, saying, “Chapter 2 is really good. You should read it”
1 time I approached him with the same book and said the same thing
(more…)

1 visit to the mini-golf course with the Horse Whisperer (where else would you take a teenager?)
36 holes played
2 hole-in-ones
2 vodka-Red Bulls
4 episodes of Nip/Tuck Season 2
2 episodes of Lost Season 1
1 time I dusted off the rollerblades to rebel against running
6.2 miles I rollerbladed Saturday
2 times I looked at bicycles
1 dinner with the Horse Whisperer and her parents
1 cosmopolitan I shared with her (more…)

2 episodes of Entourage Season 2 watched
3 hours spent driving to Tucson and back
1 apartment the Horse Whisperer moved into to attend the U of A
1 dog I brought down with me (Simba)
1 night spent sleeping at brother’s house
2 cats I had to fend off from showering me with dander
10 times I thought “Cat Dander” is a good name for a band
1 gay bar
40 overweight lesbians in jeans and grubby t-shirts
8 gay guys weighing 120 pounds each with their pastel-colored polo collars popped
1 order of chicken strips (Now I can cross “Eat chicken strips in a gay bar” off my list of “Things to Do Before I Die”) (more…)

4 episodes of Entourage Season 1
3 episodes of Nip/Tuck Season 2
1 massive Netflix addiction (“C’mon Netflix, send me one more movie before the weekend. Please. C’mon. I need it. I’ll go down on you if you send me Entourage Season 2.”)
3 dog walks
2:30 a.m. – time I went to bed Friday
1 church dinner
1 kid I played catch with
1 church girl who chopped her hair who I am no longer attracted to (Chopping your hair is #2 on the Top 10 List of Ways to Turn Off a Guy; #1 is “Having a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a goddamn magic show double team you”) (more…)